my friends came to visit and it was excellent. we ate food, drank wine, talked talked talked, listened to music, laughed and swore and laughed some more. i love my girlfriends and seeing them is like super healing time.
im getting back into the motherpeace deck one card at a time. happy to be really devoting myself to this craft.
weaving again too, making time to go to the studio everyday must be a priority for me. even if for an hour, even if for a half hour! what a beautiful gift i have given myself!
ninja class takes up three days a week, two hours a day each time which means that in three, no two, no one, no NOW i am more physically fit than i have ever been in my life. it is a beautiful thing. this is what i said would happen: 2008: rock your body (without getting hurt.)
soon i will have a job working as a "helper." which is what i am of course, and is one letter off from "healer" and is totally on the path. with the money i acquire from said job i will continue to further my studies of the arts of the fiber, environmental, martial, mycology, healing, and sacred varieties. my life is getting very, very beautiful here and i am happy. thank you universe! i am grateful and at peace!
goodnight

new orleans

every time anybody here talks about new orleans i am flooded with feelings of shame and guilt and anger and hopelessness. i simultaneously want them to talk to me about it and also to evade the entire situation. kat saying, "well, you werent here so you dont know" in her southern attitude voice and how that really just sums it all up and how nobody from the freakin EAST BAY which is about as far away from new orleans mentality as you could get could have a CLUE what people want to do there, or should do there, or how they feel about anything and so you werent there and you dont know.

'liberal agenda that people should be allowed to return home to places where they have been victims of environmental racism for years' AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! FFFFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK YYYYYYOOOOUUUUU! 

have a drink. 

go down there for one minute and see if you can say that in somebody's face. fuckin california.  

'tell people that these neighborhoods have to be reclaimed for wetland restoration and have to  be made into green spaces to prevent this from happening again but we will rebuild neighborhoods on higher ground where they can move to - this shouldnt be impossible"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. go there and tell somebody that in the FACE. 

who is doing anything? 

am i a yuppie?

sometimes i really feel that i am an outkast (heehee) of outcasts of outcastes of all time because i cant even get in with these "radical" folks cuz i dont think like them and im not in with the squares. only children, birds, cats and maybe 6 adults get me. GAAAAWWWWD.

OH YEAH, i forgot, im a shaman. that's why i am like this. shaman has to live on the outskirts of town. only cats, birds, children and maybe like 6 adults get the shaman. shaman isnt writing academic papers on how to save new orleans, shaman is new orleans! shaman is love! shaman fixes your pink eye and your sore belly and shaman is maybe shawoman! no shahuman! HAHAH! 

yeah, so, i keep getting these kicks in the ass here about how i really have to actively focus on my power and claiming it and owning it and using it for the good of the multiverse.

oh and im a weaver too and they're pretty weird.

things im into:

my POWER

weaving

mushrooms

outside

music

sdkasdklfsdn

i met someboday and i like em and now im all berkeley's great, la la la. where am i? la la la. duh duh duh. why does desire wipe out my brain? WHY WHY!??!?!?!?! and who cares?!?!!? la la LA!
but seriously, no, seriously, im serious, i seriously need some bath salts. it's serious. it is absolutely imperative that i do not mistake myself for this other person. i am me. i am me with my plans and dreams. THANK GOD I HAVE THIS LOOM. THANK GOD I HAVE THIS LIFE. THANKS GOD! THANKS GOD! THANKS GOD!
okay. time to clean up this bloody mess.
what i am going to try to do is this:
feel good
feel great!
remember that i am interested in things outside of intimacy.
think one good thing about this person and then for the rest of the day when i try to be all LA LA LA, i will replace the thought with thoughts about god and how blessed i am and how happy i am and how this awesome job is coming to me and how everything is working out and im starting weaving lessons on monday and how im learning so much so fast and im so thankful to the universe for all its love and protection and opportunity and yes! i say FUCK YES!

women, writing, city living

this is it. i am gonna be a writer. yesterday, i started, just started writing and wrote for over an hour and half not even noticing a minute fly by except for when my thoughts accidentally turned to gangstalking (thanks a lot mike, all others, do not look this up, it is not important or real.) writing writing and writing and then today i realized i wanted to be writing more. MORE! and i was thinking about writing, and thinking about new ways of writing and all the different things i wanted to be writing about and writing as the type where just the words sounds so good together and writing as when you think very specifiaclly about getting the perfect meaning out of a word, and writing as maybe one day would could i actually write about something you know, with a purpose? and writing as simple little poetry lines, and writing as a way to pass my time and writing as documentation, writing with a libation. it's all so delicious. delicioso. oh my god! writing in another language! ahh! the whole world!
from now on, whe people say, oh what do you do, i will answer i am a weaver because that encompasses most correctly that which i want, wish and will to be doing and that which when i am doing am really, really doing. (i mean weaving in all its forms)
weave: transitive verb:
1 a: to form (cloth) by interlacing strands (as of yarn); specifically : to make (cloth) on a loom by interlacing warp and filling threads b: to interlace (as threads) into cloth c: to make (as a basket) by intertwining
2: spin 2 —used of spiders and insects
3: to interlace especially to form a texture, fabric, or design
4 a: to produce by elaborately combining elements : contrive b: to unite in a coherent whole c: to introduce as an appropriate element : work in —usually used with in or into
5: to direct (as the body) in a winding or zigzag course especially to avoid obstacles
intransitive verb1: to work at weaving : make cloth
2: to move in a devious, winding, or zigzag course especially to avoid obstacles

to move in a devious course!!! heh heh!
where is the definition of weaving a story?

these are the women whose work i am enjoying reading at the moment:
gertrude stein
virginia woolf
diane di prima
joan didion's memoir "the year of magical thinking"
the lady beat poets

i have also gotten two books out of the library one on female whirling dervishes and one on the women saints of india. these i believe will be good inspiration. for.... ? art!
the voodoo section at the berkeley public library is dreadful. i mean, DREADful. as in two books. gimme a break. also, it offends me when santeria, voodoo, and religions with roots in west africa get stuck right next to new age shit. why are these at the bottom of the religious barrel when they are SO OLD!!! grrrr.... i am going to keep learning about these traditions until i am articulate enough to educate others and speak intelligently about them. in a somewhat related vein, i realize that it is also imperative i work side by side with my emotional writing on new orleans to develop a rhetoric of active imagination and critical thought about my experience there (god, and as a human being on earth, right?)

more later about these subjects. kat is coming to pick me up and i am going to spend two loverly days in the country of california. we will go to the beach, hike around her property, interact with chickens and a dog, cook, drink tea, watch a movie, make books, write, do yoga, and chill. it will be great. ta ta.

everyone is doing a recap of 2007 but all i will say right now is that i was just listening to nina simone and digging it so much and then allofasudden nine inch nails closer is playing and that has been what my night has been like.

should i?
okay:
2007.
bang busted my ankle falling down stairs. missed a bunch of work, limped around like an idiot. three men and a little lady moved into south scott st. feb 1. spent next many months as a devotee of our mother bloody mary. planted and maintained my first real garden. it flourished. realized my connection to the earth. worked with kids and redwood in the swamps. had heart broken very badly. succeeded in new years resolution of "put making art as my number one priority" by applying to penland and getting a full scholarship. entertained many friends in new orleans. went to mardi gras, jazzfest, bayou boogaloo, super sunday, had most fun of my whole life. loved a man. loved many a friend. had incredible sex. turned 25 and celebrated with the bears and my mom in my favorite city in the world in my favorite restaurant on the full moon. made 25th year resolution of "juicy" but woke up that morning with "let go" ringing in my ear. left new orleans. got first reiki attunement. went to ireland. had lowest moments of my life. saw my dark side up in my face. went to penland. had highest moments of my life. saw my light and talent up in my face. talked to god. came to many healthy and healing revelations. had insane thanksgiving. drove to new orleans with .25 of a plan to get to berkeley. flew to berkeley and moved into my new amazing equipped house. made my first solo bedroom in FIVE YEARS. made 2008 resolution of "rock my body" and started early by having the most fantastic solo orgasms ever. i think that 2008 is the year of masturbation. 2008 year of the org. 2008 year of the gasm. i wish orgasm had a better word. there's something a little awkward about it and it really should be more personal and exciting.
anyway,
so far so good.
goodbye 2007, you were sweet and kicked my ass and went by so fast. love for the past.

grr grr grr grr dinosaur head pin

mark has requested that i refer to him from now on as dickfor. dickfor is really getting on my nerves lately. we have been together for four days straight and then today when he pointed it out as in "i cant do this anymore. it's gotta stop" it hurt my feelings and my emotions got all insane and wierdly enough, my first response was we have to have sex now. so, this should teach me that my first response to what i perceive as a rough patch in intimacy is to balm it over with sex. great. but instead i said "i have to put my ipod on now" and ignored him and felt sad all by myself cuz that was all i wanted to do anyway. we have been hanging out cleaning the house. it is a never ending story. it is like uuugggggg. i just want it to be done. yesterday i cleaned out three cabinets full of grubs and it was so gd nasty that when i closed my eyes to lay me down to sleep i saw grubs everywhere.
i broke a full-length mirror at 3 in the morning. happy new year! back to cleaning.