homewreakers

for the last two days, all day, until night mark and i have been 2gether. nonstop. everything we do. we have separated to sleep and shit. today i got a cup of coffee for us and was by myself for five minutes until i called him downstairs to drink with me. we have been under the guise of cleaning house and to our favor, after 8 hours yesterday we completed one room. the house is jammed with crap that a bunc of packrats dumpster dived and then stuffed in drawers for three years. consequently, no cleaning has been done to any surfaces during that time. you can see where people thought wow, that's collecting dust, and just had no way to do anything about it. but now is the time for dust to die. today we did .25 of the kitchen. it is horrible. i found a plastic jar full of cashews. inside the jar was a huge web that started at the inner ring where the lid went and then billowed out like a canopy to the edges of the inside. in the cashews were dozens of grubs, some nearly an inch long. it was very fascinating and i made mark look at it even though he didnt want to. i put it outside last night as an experiment but it only seemed to make the grubs stronger, and longer and then today when i checked on it one of the grubs was OUTSIDE the jar which means they are also outside in the cabinet. the whole thing is really a little too depressing to deal with as the cabinet is jammed with food in plastic bags. the fucking horror. one time i found a plastic bag filled with delicate winged flies trying to survive in wheat flour in les' and my milwaukee kitchen and i had to move to new orleans. i just got here so i dont want such dramatic consequences from this experience, but goddamn. it's filthy in here. just fulla filth.
after we clean we watch two movies. tonight omega man and gimme shelter the rolling stones altamont concert documentary. awesome and terrifying. mick jagger is such a dick. he's a guilty guilty man and you can tell he has made a pact with the devil somewhere along the line when you look in his face.
it's like mark and i are married because we spend all this time together working on our home and not having sex. but when i mentioned it he first, got all freaked out, and then second, continued to bring it up.
i just want this house to be clean and clear so i can get on with my life in a comfortable space. my room used to be good but now i let it fill with my junk unorganized (sometimes living in your own mess disheveled just feels so glamorous) so i have nothing until this task is just done done done goddamit.
goodnight.

today was christmas. i wish i was drunk but i guess i took care of that last night. took me 4.5 hours to make gumbo z'herbes but it was worth it for its deliciousness and for making a new dish and one so slow southern goodness. gotta keep my louisiana heritage alive! heritage...
we had people over. they ate the gumbo and all had seconds. they were all much older than me. then we watched blades of glory. im so exhausted now. im glad im not drunk so i dont have to wake up with a wicked hangover like i did today. red wine cigarette dry burn. im gonna be alone now for two days. who's gonna eat all this gumbo with me? i gotta make friends FAST. i also need to kiss. mmmmmm

these things i know to be true

merry christmas, merry christmas eve
this is it. me in my house. me preparing for myself. me lighting candles with my last finn mccool's light on this most auspicious of days. i always, always keep my last tipitinas match as that is what brought me back to new orleans, and that is what will bring me back again, home sweet home, dreaded swamp monster - how did the south do this to me, drag me in like this?
so for now, with my gold candle for the dead/not dead gene lee, my mary for her recognition on giving birth, and my tea light for may i please love my belly this year, blessed by a circus martial art performer during a bdsm poetry reading at the cabaret.
these things i know to be true:
one million years ago, in penland, i tried to download amandala, i bought it from itunes, and i paid for it, ten dollars, i drank a bottle of sweet carolina muscadine and then realized it took 8 hours to complete. so, happy, and with a marlboro, i walked that short path back to the pines, called bailey at le bon temps, and then found my way to fair foe amanda's room which held arlo and you know, her name, now gone, in tow. and that night i said my grand pick-up line, high on the muscadine, and the absence of karin from my room, which facilitated in me picking up beer i'd stowed, and there came out of my mouth one of my best, "you look like you'd be a good person to walk in the dark with", and there within the preposition ending the sentence came a jangly legged then mouth opened then darkness this is just for fun right opening into the task of mild karma, yknow not major arcana but still with a connection, and here it is.
this is my one of my most favorite christmas eve's ever tho i have been alone. because, i am not so manic caused by others, and i have time to reflect on the year, and i have called all those who touch me, and i have been present.
i did drink a bottle of wine, really good pinot noir, napa valley, man i love to drink. just love it. and i did try to get in a lil bit of trouble ( but it didnt answer the door), and i did call arlo, who is back in chicago and with sadness that these long months bring.

this i know to be true: the veil is thin. the bridge is very close, with no toll, the keeper is ready, the days are cold, the ability to traverse, stay, stray or return available.
time to thank the self for the things you did right. time to right the things that you did. this is it before six days seeps into a larger pool that swallows too much.

i miss penland. one road is so easy to walk. even drunk, it was easier to walk home than the hallway to my room. cars make me nervous and the buzz of the city is falling away into unnecessary. my guess is i will find a way out sooner than i think.
i know that my soul is one step ahead of my mind. it always has been, looking out for me, making decisions which seem like rash but end up salve. i want to link em up, and then we'll see what can be done when all parts work as one.
ive been a lot of places lately. now i sleep in a bed in a room that i made.
xoxox. i love you. goodnight.

My New Internet Home

Hello World,
I have decided to make this my new internet loading dock for my new life and adventures in Berkeley, CA. I realize I am at the start of a big BIG journey here and twoheadedmonster seemed to laden with pastness and myspace blogs just dont cut it. I need a place to keep track of these changes for the emotional/psychological necessity of looking back, the literal, material necessity of keeping track and the ego-trip of allowing all the world to see. That and my handwritten writing is so poetic/prayerful I can't get any actual busy-ness done with it.
I have been a Californian (?!) for ten days now, and my mind has been blown so far open exponentially that I am reeling with possibility. Much (well, most) of this is on account of my fantastic roommate Andrea, the smartest person I've met in...in...in...get it? Everything she says seems to be valuable in some way and the starting points of each topic keep orbiting off into more and more information, more avenues, new ways of looking at the world, wider perspective, more imagination for the future, more imagination for my future, people who fit into no box that could be my friends, MY GOD! The whole thing is incredible. I just went and told her that I am so happy and grateful to have met her while she was making a banner for her sister's wedding. Her eyes are very magic.
Which leads me to magic. I'm into it. I'm into it and I'm on it. And I want to get more into it, and deeper on it. I've moved into my new room, painted Serengeti Plain, by me, for me, and today I bought a full sized bed and box spring for 20 bucks. HA! I was having a lil bit of trouble finding something that didnt involve a hassle of sorts and then today at a taping of Andrea and Kilo's dance I realized that it didnt have to be hard and if I just wait something will happen perfectly. So I got home, and there it was a 20 dollar bed 3 blocks from the house. Done and Done. I'm laying on it right now. Next up: Project Free Loom! Visualization for an 8 harness Macomber, 8 treadles, heddled harnesses, warping board, 2 reeds - an 8 and a 12 epi, two beams, lease sticks, in total good working order, close to home that I can pick up and transport using Mark's truck. Maybe even with a bench. This can and will happen.
Life is so good.

Things I'm interested in learning more about/finding more about:
ruckus society
black panthers, esp history in oakland
there is no there there as it relates to oakland
okay, oakland
minnehaha freestate
people who live in intentional, radical out-there places not in cities
freaks, as in see above
how can i get out of the city in 3-5 years
alternative birth controls/claiming my fertility
sex magic
ritual masturbation (thanks kell)
tantra
goddess stuff
THE WHIRLED IS GETTING SO BRIGHT AND BIG TO ME AND OPEN AND AMAZING AND SHIMMERING LIGHT! BLESSED BE! heehee!
oh! and all my love and devotion to all the people of New Orleans. I LOVE YOU. please dont disappear. keep light alive!

I just want to post on twoheadedmonster. Why is this so hard!??!?!?!