man, sometims the computer is too much my friend.
happy halloweed! i mean halloween!
so, this has been the quietest halloween of my life so far. didnt party. went to a ritual - a coven, neo-pagan, perhaps? goddess tradition..umm...hmmm....it was nice to be reminded of death, and grief and pain, but i am always longing for more in these situations. more more more. deeper. it was really um, white, too. y'know...
tomorrow morning i am planning on going to inverness to visit a perhaps just born baby, or be there while it is arriving! birth and death, and that is all there is. oh yeah, love and pain, same diff, right?
all my life, this longing has been following me around, so that i feel like it is my truest companion. what is it? is it the deepest part of myself? dreams unexamined, unmade that turn to nightmares? wanting that keeps me seperated from source? thought and action that keeps me alive?
i imagine myself walking down the street in the fall. when will my imagination envsion myself walking in the woods? walking down the beach? sleeping under a tree?
i have a lot of work to do. there is a lot of work to be done. is this what is keeping me alive? turning turning turning. my body causes my greatest fears. my mind takes care of the nagging.

im going on a trip. in about two hours, at midnight, i will start on my way to the greyhound bus. i am going through sacramento, then meeting don in weed, and then we are going to portland. i love don. i love him so much. i cant wait to see him. it's october 1st. this is a document.
i am packed. i am neither dressed, nor fed. i will take care of that now maybe even shower, what else do i have to do but make playlists of billy idol, heart and iron maiden on seeqpod. hmm? what else? nothing i tell you. i feel physically ugh, so i also must heal myself. i smoked cigarettes this weekend now i am hurting in my throat. well, everything is all good. eat some chard. bye now!