these things i know to be true

merry christmas, merry christmas eve
this is it. me in my house. me preparing for myself. me lighting candles with my last finn mccool's light on this most auspicious of days. i always, always keep my last tipitinas match as that is what brought me back to new orleans, and that is what will bring me back again, home sweet home, dreaded swamp monster - how did the south do this to me, drag me in like this?
so for now, with my gold candle for the dead/not dead gene lee, my mary for her recognition on giving birth, and my tea light for may i please love my belly this year, blessed by a circus martial art performer during a bdsm poetry reading at the cabaret.
these things i know to be true:
one million years ago, in penland, i tried to download amandala, i bought it from itunes, and i paid for it, ten dollars, i drank a bottle of sweet carolina muscadine and then realized it took 8 hours to complete. so, happy, and with a marlboro, i walked that short path back to the pines, called bailey at le bon temps, and then found my way to fair foe amanda's room which held arlo and you know, her name, now gone, in tow. and that night i said my grand pick-up line, high on the muscadine, and the absence of karin from my room, which facilitated in me picking up beer i'd stowed, and there came out of my mouth one of my best, "you look like you'd be a good person to walk in the dark with", and there within the preposition ending the sentence came a jangly legged then mouth opened then darkness this is just for fun right opening into the task of mild karma, yknow not major arcana but still with a connection, and here it is.
this is my one of my most favorite christmas eve's ever tho i have been alone. because, i am not so manic caused by others, and i have time to reflect on the year, and i have called all those who touch me, and i have been present.
i did drink a bottle of wine, really good pinot noir, napa valley, man i love to drink. just love it. and i did try to get in a lil bit of trouble ( but it didnt answer the door), and i did call arlo, who is back in chicago and with sadness that these long months bring.

this i know to be true: the veil is thin. the bridge is very close, with no toll, the keeper is ready, the days are cold, the ability to traverse, stay, stray or return available.
time to thank the self for the things you did right. time to right the things that you did. this is it before six days seeps into a larger pool that swallows too much.

i miss penland. one road is so easy to walk. even drunk, it was easier to walk home than the hallway to my room. cars make me nervous and the buzz of the city is falling away into unnecessary. my guess is i will find a way out sooner than i think.
i know that my soul is one step ahead of my mind. it always has been, looking out for me, making decisions which seem like rash but end up salve. i want to link em up, and then we'll see what can be done when all parts work as one.
ive been a lot of places lately. now i sleep in a bed in a room that i made.
xoxox. i love you. goodnight.