im pretty sure that music is the answer. im dumb enough at it, that i have no clue how far behind i am, or where there is to go. im pretty punk, you might say. i love that jenny lewis song called, "happy." i always used to sing it when i was with don.
so much weird shit just happened to me, and i have to stay focused. no going off the path. even in exhaustion, even in mania, even in mind-numbing 3 pm of the soul, even in come on just for a minute cuz you deserve it. the only thing i deserve is a big pie in the face if i act like getting to be unconcious is the same thing as going on vacation. as if! the only similarity is when you come back you get it that shit doesnt stop while youre gone. and forays into unconsciousness dont relax a lady necessarily. (not that vacations cant be rife with unconsciousness, samely.) moving on. so much weird shit happening. i just gotta do what i gotta do, and i cant have any self-hate while i do it. and i have to try to treat all my fellow humans with compassion. ALL OF THEM.
s.b. brought me an emma goldman book and it blew my mind. im so grateful. what a feminist!
s.b. is the best boyfriend ive had. you heard it here first. and i know, youve heard it with every one of them the same, but it's not the same, it's real. He's for real.
but lord knows we all have our problems. life is so hard, why judge a fellow man. i have to become more compassionate all the time. im so grateful to work with children and have them teach me.
time 4 bed.