man, sometims the computer is too much my friend.
happy halloweed! i mean halloween!
so, this has been the quietest halloween of my life so far. didnt party. went to a ritual - a coven, neo-pagan, perhaps? goddess tradition..umm...hmmm....it was nice to be reminded of death, and grief and pain, but i am always longing for more in these situations. more more more. deeper. it was really um, white, too. y'know...
tomorrow morning i am planning on going to inverness to visit a perhaps just born baby, or be there while it is arriving! birth and death, and that is all there is. oh yeah, love and pain, same diff, right?
all my life, this longing has been following me around, so that i feel like it is my truest companion. what is it? is it the deepest part of myself? dreams unexamined, unmade that turn to nightmares? wanting that keeps me seperated from source? thought and action that keeps me alive?
i imagine myself walking down the street in the fall. when will my imagination envsion myself walking in the woods? walking down the beach? sleeping under a tree?
i have a lot of work to do. there is a lot of work to be done. is this what is keeping me alive? turning turning turning. my body causes my greatest fears. my mind takes care of the nagging.